yeah i fucking love rice milk. right now im drinking a big glass of rice dream (original, enriched) with arrow mills organic peanut butter, homemade strawberry jam and fuckin oatbran bread. a granola dream come true. guess i can scratch that one off the list of shit i made to eat while in the us. meanwhile my moms cat smudge is playing with the headless bird the outdoor cat, george, brought into the porch. i suppose i should clean it up eventually, but the cat lives in the house all the damn time-seems like she has the right to live vicariously through george's kills until she gets bored or makes too big a mess.
last night i hung out with my brother, his "wife" (theyre not married but they live like it) carrie and their daughter summer. it was nice. summer is kind of a brat sometimes, but maybe thats normal for american children? i mean, in senegal if a child has food she or he will offer the food to everyone without even a question. but here if a child has to share one cracker out of twenty its the end of the world. the culture is just a more selfish one and the message to think of yourself and gain riches and whatnot for yourself is everywhere - peoples behaviors and commentary, TV, etc.
its hard to think about where i would raise children. i like senegalese society better in some ways, but i like american society better in others. well see what happens.
afterwards carrie and i went to visit shaun (ex boy from high school and first love etc)and his girlfriend bobbi. we appareently interrupted some great sexual activity, for which the two bitched for a long time. whatever, dont answer the apartment buzzer if youre so into whatever it is.
we went out and had a few drinks. two beers and one raspberry kamakaze and i was pretty well drunk and loudly ranting about sex and other such subjects. then we went back to the house and i decided to smoke some pot (at the urging of them all - for some reason people get really excited to have me smoke with them) since it was quality stuff and i was already a little fucked so i thought i'd give it a go.
naturally the stone was like stones always are with me since i got bored and stopped smoking around age 16. the initial high is nice, i can feel the change in state and it is interesting. then the high settles in and i get uber-analytical and detatched and negative. i over interpret most everything and all the conclusions i come to are really negative on the social side; as in i realize things about the poeple im with or thinking about and generally drift into a state of deep unhappiness and disresolution. but i know enough to remind myself its the pot, and to perhaps consider the ongoing conclusions ive made at a later point when im sober.
so i sat there, watching people behave and judging their behaviors...at one point bobbi said whoa im really stoned i must look really stupid right now. actually i agreed, but i knew that i was in no position to judge since cannabis makes me really negatively judgmental. i tried to explain that but i dont think i did a good job. so far i like bobbi. other madison peeps have told me pretty much negative things about her, and that she was only 'okay sometimes' but i havent really seen much of her that would make me dislike her. she and shaun seem pretty happy together, though first impressions can be deceiving. of course they bitch at each other but im really used to madison couples being like that, a love-hate relationship that tips enough on the side of love (or whatever) that they stay together.
..
i had wanted to get wasted all day. so it took, what, four days for me to want to get drunk. but it was mostly because i was unhappy that i wanted to consume alcohol. then i talked to ponge on the phone for awhile and was no longer unhappy, but ended up getting drunk anyway. and stoned. my sleep was heavy and full of dreams that i was glad to escape with the light of day. i woke up this morning to a thunderstorm, the two minutes i heard of it before i fell back asleep until about eleven were nice. not bad considering i went to bed high and coming down from drunk at four thirty in the morning..no hangover. I guess that i wouldnt have one when i didnt really drink very much, my body could process the poisons without too much difficulty.
d is j o int d
yesterday i wore my two short skirts and two striped socks plus tank top outfit. its sort of a thing i were when im in a mood to stir some shit up. well i didnt really do anything except get a little fucked up, but the outfit makes me want to climb things and ride my bike lewdly and such. even if it was odd to wear after so long without (i didnt have the second princess white lacey knee length skirt in senegal and the grey zip up skirt was too short to really wear there by itsself)
yeah, i need to find something to do besides sit at this fuking puter
