My skin is peeling from the severe burn I got on Friday. It's a very strange process for me, I've never had skin burn and peel before. I pick at it all day long, in class, at lunch, whenever. I wonder if it grosses my classmates out, but I guess more out of curiosity cuz if it did I don't think my behavior would change. Adie and I were laying in our bed, and she started to take my hand and hold it and rub it. I was happy to accept this sign of sisterly/Senegalese friendship and I took her hand as well. Later we were with a bunch of her friends, who were all gothed out and she looked at me and asked me if I was bisexual in this tricky voice. I didn't know what to say but she said that she knew I was cuz of what we did in the bed. I tried to say that I thought that wasn't sexual..I wasn't sure if I could confide in her and her friends that I was or if they were trying to trick me into admitting it so they could ostracize me or hurt me in some way..but I did and I don't remember what happened exactly. The whole dream was her and her friends being really cruel to me and me trying to defend myself.
It's wierd hiding parts of myself. The other day my family and I were talking about what I will do when I go home. She asked if I could return to my mothers. I said I could..the whole concept of roommates totally escapes them. You live with your family until you marry, sometimes after, and your family is huge and you need to know all of them. She asked if I would get married when I returned. Uh.. I didn't even want to start with what I feel about marriage and so I just said that maybe, if I found someone I loved I would.
We were looking at pictures that I brought with and I was scared they would guess that Virginia was more than mon amie, like I said. I was grateful that there were pictures of Shaun and Jordan and I could say those had been boyfriends cuz I felt like it would throw them off the trail...I don't know what they think a lesbian looks like but I doubt the concept of bisexual is something they think actually exists. Yet surely there are people here who are not straight. And I don't know how anyone would really know anyway since people here are so snuggly/touchy-feely anyway. I maybe can ask my professors to get into the issue. It seems like my gender and development class prof might have some insights and definitly I can ask Wendy (cross-cultural communications prof).
