I had kind of a shitty night last night. I don't understand all the rules, and I broke a lot of them in the past few days--didn't know this until after I did it of course. I maybe should just say straight up, look I want to be polite and do everything right but the things that you don't even think about I have to learn. Plus they know a lot more about American culture than I do about Senegalese culture even though I did research and read like a thousand pages about Senegal and whatnot before I came cuz it's all over their TV whereas most Americans have never even heard of Senegal, unless they are into soccer, which isn't even soccer its football to the rest of the world and football is American football. The brother and sister think it's funny to tell me things that aren't true and then laugh at me when I believe them, so now I don't know what to believe of what they say half the time. It makes me kind of frustrated cuz I'm confused enough and it's hard enough trying to figure out what the hell is going on without them fucking with me. I don't think they do it to be mean, but I don't think they realize how it is to be in a culture totally different from your own cuz they've never travelled really.
For example, the sister showed me a picture of some boy and told me it was her boyfriend. Then later I met him and she introduced him to me as her husband. I didn't know if that meant they were serious or if she was fucking with me or if they were engaged to be married or what. So then later we were sitting outside (we being Lemain the bro and Adie the sis and I) and she asked me if I actually believed he was her husband. And I was explaining that I met him as her husband but she said previously that it was her boyfriend so I didn't know what the hell to think and her mom walked up to us while I was saying this and then when she walked away Adie said "Do you want my mother to kill me?? Didn't you see her there??"
Well then I was totally bewildered. Does her mom not know that she has a boyfriend or that she saw him at some point or that they fuck with me or what? I had no clue, and I guess she didn't know to explain these things to me. Siiiiighh..
Plus they just watch TV and shit all day and they think I'm really wierd cuz I like to write and read a lot. They tell me it's not healthy to write. I don't think that I could explain that writing is the only confidante I have here, I don't know anyone well and I don't feel at home when I'm at home, in fact I feel most at home in class cuz that's where I understand the rules. I hate acting conservative, but I have to cuz I want to learn and whatnot (and I am learning a tontontontonton) and I also hate being stared at all the time and I would get stared at even more or maybe even yelled at if I dressed how I wanted.
And my body hates me. Sometimes I feel dizzy, or weak, or like I'm going to vomit, or tired, or like I'm going to have an assplotion, and my goddamn cough from this summer is somewhat returned (like it ever really left) and I have no idea how much of any of this is mefloquine side effects or the change in climate and diet or stress or if I have slight malaria or what. And it comes and goes seemingly without reason. So. Here is my COMPLAINING page...since I havent really let myself bitch about anything yet. Hopefully this stage passes quickly..ARG!
