im starting to get pretty fond of ponge. i mean actually fond of him ; as opposed to being fond of chilling in medina with him, or of the physical interaction or the idea of him or the attention or any of the other reasons i casually thought, lets just play this by ear, when he began to court me. when he talks about baay fall philosophy and material goods its beautiful. he spoke today about not ever asking someone why they needed money when they asked you, and instead just giving it to them without questions or trust issues and without a further thought of it. if you have the means; you just do it, thats all. there is a real challenge - i believe in not being selfish, but how far will i take my beliefs in real action?
this came about because he asked me for money...10,000 CFA. (15 USD) its not nothing, but i can definitely afford it. still, i hesitated before i said oui, c'est possible. he sensed my hesitation and then told me not to worry about it. ...but i was going to worry about it. i told him that it wasnt the money that made me hesitate. it was..i was worried that he was with me for money and (i inhaled) a VISA. holy fuck. i actually said it.
no, no, non. he said. i will prove to you that i am not; i can see that if i were in your place i might think the exact same thing. so i will not accept money from you and we shouldnt go out (as opposed to just chillin) because its too expensive....
shit. this didnt make me happy either. i do have the means to help him and his family, and i dont want to greedily hoard my resources and spend them on amusements or clothes or whatnot and not give any for other people to spend...even if they are asking for money for "nonessentials," well i have a hell of a lot of "non-essentials;" why would i feel justified in judging anyone else for desiring them - especially when most people will never have the luxuries i have already had in my life? no, instead of hesitating out of fear of why ponge is with me, i will give what i can, what is asked.
regardless, the repercussions for all concerned are less if i'm wrong and i give than if i'm wrong and i don't.
...we also talked about Us sommore. he said if i wanted an open relationship he would have to leave me to the other person rather than try to share..well he said it a little differently than that, but its what he was talking about.
he also told me that im the first girl that hes ever spent the night with; i was surprised and said that was one of my favorite things to do - sleep and wake up to someone i care about. thats really kind of a special priviledge. ive spent the night with every person ive been with from high school, even the drunk threesome couple. shaun, alex, randy, alex, jens, jordan, v, girl and boy, and now ponge. ten partners, six of which were in the last year. ponge has had 8 including me.
im pretty sure im not the first sex hes had, in the traditional penis-vagina sense of the word. hes only the second real penis ive ever had in me on purpose. boy, that sounds romantic. hey ponge, wow, im the first girl youve spent the night with? sweet, well youre only the second person ive had (traditional) sex with, except once when randy stuck his dick in me without my consent while we were drunk; then theres two dildos - not to mention various flashlights and screwdrivers and how many peoples fingers hands and tongues. huh, then theres also the tampons, yeast infection treatments and assorted gynocologists tools that have shared my vagina with you...but youre special anyway, heh? heh.
yeah. i like that kid, though. and his friends that actually talk to me (some of them know about as much french as i do wolof so conversations are not really possible) are nice.
i asked him what he thought about his first night with a girl. he said he had to worry whether i would think that he moved around too much or whether he was snoring or sweating. i told him he didnt move much but he did snore for like 2 seconds once; he didnt believe me and thought the inverse was probably true. i laughed because i always worry about shit like that when i sleep next to someone (plus whether or not i will need to let one loose). but really i love laying next to a person all night, touching them, the possibility of interaction at my fingertips, talking a bit before going to bed, waking up to their warm body and snuggling.
i love to snuggle; maybe i just havent had that great of sex, but i like snuggling better than sex half the time. petting, kissing, laying, saying nothing, quiet talking. being with a partner in bed is a great life pleasure.
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i wonder about ponges aunt.. it surprises me she let us sleep in the same room - i mean she must know were having sex. maybe they think hes old enough? (in senegal being almost 24 doesnt really mean shit if you arent in your own home which doesnt happen usually unless you are married - you can be 45 and if you are under your parents roof you follow them and are like a teenager still) maybe they like me even though they dont really know me too well.
anyway, i thought wed be sleeping in different rooms. i hope we get to do it again soon. we are really just starting to get to know each other at a less superficial level..
he also told me he never imagined hed have an american girlfriend. he didnt say white/toubab american, for which i have a level of appreciation. i think he was surprised/disappointed when he asked me if id ever had a black boyfriend and i said yes.
i suppose to counter while in the states i never really thought id have a senegalese boyfriend (especially one with sexy dreads, god nice dreads turn me on) but since im actually in senegal its not too surprising. anyway to have a partner from elsewhere in the world isnt as unusual in immigrant america as in comparatively homogenous senegal.
