a comment left for me: i have been wondering a lot lately about the relations between females on a sexual level. i've had experiences more than once throughout my adolescence...but now that i'm older i'm a lot more interested in pursuing actual, non party tricks, non "just playing", activities...i know you are touching more on the "what if people found out" tip...but i am really curious how queer women meet each other, and how you overcome the nervousness that you might approach a woman that is straight...have you had women get offended? or have you just waited until it was clear that the other girl is open to same sex relations...i wanna know just cuz i'm becoming more and more drawn to girls and i am so ready to go further...but i'm a bit scared.
yeah. its totally scary. you know i didnt really realize i was queer until recently and as ive ever only had one real girlfriend so i have to say i am not the best expert on this subject. i do think my queer-dar has much improved reception since i realized i was queer, sort of a combo of many tiny signals that suggest to me that a person might be queer. i think its a lot more difficult to be sure a "female" is queer than a "male," statistically speaking (that means there are obviously exceptions - you cant apply stats to individuals)...
after years of being like, dude am i bi or lesbian or straight or what, i finally realized all that shit doesnt fucking matter. i was at an anti-sweatshop conference in chicago the winter of..um 2000-01 and i went to a queer and questioning breakout session. there was this person there whos name was simon. to me, simon was obviously female; before he said that he identified as male. he didnt dress obviously trans, just normal (most "women" wear "guy" clothes anyway). i was very, very attracted to simon. now, as he was anatomically "female" being attracted to simon made me a dyke or at least bi right? but simon wasnt a "female" he was a guy. so that makes me straight, right?
but you know what, fuck it. why do i gotta call it somethin? what does queer mean to me, then? it just means i dont restrict who i let myself be attracted to by their constructed category - this goes beyond notions of sex and gender and includes class, education level, ethnicity, the works.
...but i am really curious how queer women meet each other, and how you overcome the nervousness that you might approach a woman that is straight...have you had women get offended? or have you just waited until it was clear that the other girl is open to same sex relations...
wellll...one obvious way to meet other queer chicas is to hang out in politally radical or granola and such circles (ive found a higher percentage of queers in such circles) or get involved in a queer community center or find queer events in your area (like theatre or political work or drag shows or queer bars)
i dont think i have gotten over the nervousness that i might approach a woman who is straight. i guess its like with a guy you are interested in; you ask them to do some shit with you as friends and see if it goes anywhere else. if not, you at least have gained a friend, right? i guess i wouldnt really try anything with a person that i didnt think was interested back, im too shy for that.
i guess im also kind of loud about being queer...like one of the new MSID students was talking about how in general he doesnt find himself attracted to african women (a whole other subject i wont get into here) and so wasnt really attracted to many of the women here in senegal. i was like, what the hell are you talking about; senegalese women have some of the best asses. (sidenote: he said that booty was a different thing; to which i said that yeah physical attraction is different than actual attraction - im not actually attracted to most of the women here cuz theyre all hyperfemme, like high heels and hair and makeup and dresses, which im not into for the most part)
i guess i in general wait until i know the possibility is there and am happy to have another rad friend if theres nothing sexual/romantic on the part of the other person. and my queer-dar is getting better.
if anyone else has ideas about this, comme toujours, comments welcome.
