i fucking hate macs. i just finished typing this whore and now its GONE coz i hit control C to copy it before i hit the send button. i always do that for safety, but i guess that doesnt work here. i guess you hit somefucking flower button. well. i am still in the cities. mpls,actually coz i never visit st paul. well ill write more later about the specifics, but here is something i just wrote in my notebook that i decided to transfer here.
"what a goddamn waste. this is what amerika's youth does? drink and excel at VIDEO GAMES? those with the most resources in the WORLD and they have NO CLUE... sometimes i wish i were dead. this place is infinitely fucked up and i cant escape it and i can go & go but it wont matter. its all the same, except maybe here has more distractions or something. i really miss the boys and their attitudes. when i was with them.... i dunno. i still dont have anyone to talk to, right. im so goddamned sick of being unhappy but i dont know what to do about it. i guess distracting myself... but that doesnt really SOLVE anythingx it seems extraordinarily irresponsible to run around spending my time indulging my simple pleasures, and not (just) in an i-should-have-a-job sort of way, but in a rather i-shouldnt-be-such-an-AMERIKAN... like i have a LOUD VOICE and i am more or less intelligent & capable when challenged... i should be TAKING this SHIT DOWN.
FUCk
we mock these suburbanites like they should know better, we mock their ways. fuck that. WE should know better, I should know better. but one must not forget the heavy influence of surrounding CULTURE; so what does it mean it means we need to re-create CULTURE we need....
.......time. none of this will happen quickly (if ever) and meanwhile i sit here in my unnoticabley dirty clothes, trying like fuck to make sense of it and me and grasping at philosophies and i suspect the root of it all is just my oh-so-human, uninteresting, egotistical drive-thru remote control demand to BE HAPPY."
