here is a letter i wrote to v. i posted it because i think i want to save it. i save everything.hey kid.
life here is fine. kind of boring, but no real complaints. i miss you as a co-conspirator, too. i miss having any co-conspirators at all, actually. the closest i get is my guerilla theater group. and it looks like i might not even be able to be in the new performance we've been working on due to a schedule conflict. :(
looking for a job sucks. i am either over-qualified, under-qualified, or would feel shitty about seeking the available job. on a positive note, i realized that one pair of my striped socks was just dead as socks so i turned them into wrist thingies with holes for my thumbs. like medium-length gloves with no fingers whatsoever. they make me feel very eighties, i like that a lot. also, margaret has been emailing me and i think will be here to visit me for a few days. that should be really nice.
i met some crusties last weekend, and they were nice enough. but they were travelling crusties so i dont really expect to see them again. and they didnt do anything. just drink and panhandle and listen to music and talking and sex. nothing...creative.
i almost got into a fight, too. you know my friend shaun, right? well his sister got raped like a year ago and there were a bunch of girls in the room when it happened that just sort of laughed and told her to deal with it. real fucked up situation. anyway one of them walked into this party for her cousin that we all were at. she was asked to leave coz melissa is a real shit and gets into fights a lot, and it was just a bad situation. well melissa is also the size of a pea - she has some gladular disorder where she has to be on this high-fat diet all the time for it.
so anyway as the girl was leaving melissa said something like, get out, to her and the girl pushed melissa and i could see there was about to be some hair flying so i grabbed the girl and stood between her and melissa (someone else grabbed melissa) and i was feeling protective (melissa is sort of like a little sister or cousin or something to me) so i told the girl while holding her "dont you fucking touch her" (real intellectual, i know) and she was all in my face like "she better not touch me."
this girl was going to die if she tried anything, i was bigger than her and taller than her and probably feeling meaner than her. so i just repeated what i said the first time. apparently she decided not to pursue it, and she backed down and made to leave, so i let go of her. then shaun was all going to go after her as like revenge or something and i had to hold him back. boys shouldnt hit girls, even if they deserve it. the cops would give the max for that kind of thing. and her getting the shit kicked out of her wouldnt actually change anything about what melissa went through. in retrospect, i dont know if that girl was even 18, so its a good thing she decided to leave because as a ..what the opposite of minor, major? anyway, as one of those I probably would have been deep in the shithouse as well.
just a normal party in the white trash drama circle. thats one really good thing about ponge, he is so chill. he doesnt like to dramatize anything. it took me like ten minutes to get him to admit that right now money is so tight in their family that they cant afford breakfast right now, and sometimes even lunch. but he just said that he's a baay fall and its no big deal, he has his health and a place to sleep and he eats and so he has everything he needs. his grandma told him to come eat at her house, but he doesnt want to burden her or something..i think he feels wierd being dependent. i told him he should make sure he's taking care of himself, if she has enough to offer there is no shame in accepting it. but im not sure she actually does have enough, or if she would be making sacrifices. ...there really arent dumpsters to pillage in senegal. things just dont get wasted like that, there is too much need.
this week ive been trying to be productive. it feels good, but i dont know what im actually producing. i guess i must be a capitalist secretly, in that i only get off when im accomplishing things..um. i havent touched our zine, but i cant decide on a fucking topic. have you? maybe we should assign each other a topic to write about instead. like produce a page about X. part of my problem is that i want to write about things i feel i have a perspective on from living in senegal. but thats only one country, so my sample has millions of confounding variables. that and this is collaborative and you didnt live in senegal. but you do know spain pretty well, and it seems like there are some similarities in culture. so maybe it could still work?
oh, what else..ive been working out a little, just lifting a weight (i only own one) and doing abs and such. um. i think thats it. i guess im neither happy nor sad. sometimes im one or the other. mostly i think i feel nothing at all.
love, k
