the weekend: what else? more drunkenness. more drama. more. i stabbed the fuck out of my palm climbing a fence i knew i was too drunk to climb, but my compadres were too drunk not to, so.. i had blood all over the place but i kind of like that, so long as its not serious. this wasnt, no stitches required or any shit like that. i miraculously only managed to leave my phone in ryan's car and my scarf in michelle's car. i hitch hiked home from a house party by some hick-acting punk-looking kid that told me he was going to join the army. i told him not to. he bought me an all-american grand slam at dennys. when im drunk i eat commercial food, meat, and i smoke cigarettes.i also like to make an ass of myself. one time a couple years ago i decided to take an ingestion break for a month. no pot, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, etc. i thought i would spend a lot of time reading and doing art and being productive. nope. all i did was the same shit as ever, except i was not drinking while my friends all were. i thought about doing that again. i thought about earlier claims that i was going to quit alcamahol, and i didnt. so i dont want to say i will quit only to not quit. . . but i am pretty disgusted with the whole scene. and i dont really want to freak out ponge when he gets here - although hes seen me drink hes never seen me drunk and probably thought (like i did) that i was done with drinking. i've been telling him what ive been up to, so its not like its some fucking secret, but still.
i also punched shaun in the face. i think its all these fights ive been seeing and breaking up..like it got into me somehow. well, he was pulling my arm pit hair. i was previously pissed at another friend for making a lot of shithead comments about it. (dude, thats disgusting). well, nate (shithead comment boy) is more like family than friend - ive known him for so long. but i wasnt in the mood to fight with him about it when he was saying that shit so i just rolled my eyes. he is quite the asshole sometimes.
later i got pissed about it though. so when shaun was pulling my hair at the last bar of an evening of bars, i punched him in the gut and then his face before i remembered that i was punching shaun and not some random fuck. so then i apologized profusely. he accepted, and said OW a lot, and said he guessed he was glad to know that i could actually hit someone if i needed to (as in, the punch actually did something). i actually have never punched anyone in my life before that (not in the face anyway). i have to say, it felt kind of nice - the physical contact. not that i approve of what i did or plan on doing it again soon.
maybe i should take up kickboxing again, get rid of some of this negative physical energy. i have summer (my niece) today. i was teaching her how to write numbers last night. she can write her phone number now. i rule.
oh - and i finished memoirs of a beatnick. it was okay - too much sex. it gets kind of boring reading detailed descriptions that are likely mostly made up (do you remember exact actions for most of your sexual acts - i sure as fuck dont) over and over. "then i placed his full cock into my ready cunt while fondling his balls.." blah blah blah. i dont need to be reminded that im not getting laid right now. i could be, but im not. i guess the parts that interested me the most was the descriptions of the lifestyles. i mean, this shit was awhile ago. its interesting to note alternative lifestyles back in recent american history.
the whole idea of sitting on your ass and getting fucked up and barely working is not new or exciting to me, however. id rather read about people that worked to change some major justice problem. people that can inspire me to keep studying and keep active. not people that inspire me to have a lot of irresponsible (she didnt use condoms) sex and freeze my ass off in some rat-trap in new york. nonetheless, im glad i read it. its part of americas cultural history i havent really been exposed to. i started to read on the road by jack karoac once. but i decided he was a boring sexist asshole and i could give less of a fuck what he was doing. so i stopped. i might try to read howl, just to see what its all about.
