words...i had just done a bit of therapy. i met jana for drinks (i had tea, she coffee) and we talked and walked around doing little errands. it was lightly misting out, threatening a beautiful rain. warm. grey. i wore long flowing garments today, in harmony with the weather. i drove home just as the rain started really coming down..my mom left for her errands and i put on x marks the pedwalk and commenced a reading for myself. its been a long time, and reading for one's self is always dangerous. its real easy to get distracted and give yourself a poor reading. i rather prefer reading for complete strangers these days. i lit candles and cleaned out the space with nag champa, in clockwise circles. the anishinabe say circles should always move clockwise - to do other wise is to move against life.
my first and most troubling thoughts i laid out, after centering myself for a long time. i kept my mind blank and could feel the changes in my body that start to happen when i meditate. my closed eyes flickered back and forth, i theorize that i start to slip into a sort of waking rem state.
the first reading was strong, the message clear. i took it to heart. as i was preparing for my second topic two cards slipped out. these were slightly less clear, though still impactful. i prepared to do another subject and pulled a card for that. the statement was obvious and solutionless. i shuffled for my next reading and couldnt pay attention any longer. my mind was flitting from subject to subject...i pulled two cards and knew i couldnt really trust what they said since my concentration was all over the place - i had lost my center and not taken the time to regain it. i flipped them anyway, and tried to read them. they were confusing and i decided not to pay them any heed as i had a sense not to before i even looked at them. i realized i was done and put everything away very attentively.
today is beauty, and the rain a large part of it.
