a few brief comments, because i havent in awhile. mostly i spend my free time with ponge now, so i guess i am at the computer a lot less...even somewhat ignoring my emails other than to empty the trash and half-assed go through them once in awhile. things are well with our adjustments, with our communications, with our sex life, with our social lives. he is in an ESL class downtown now - he starts tomorrow. this is a lot closer for him and less dangerous biking as well. he also will have a job soon, cleaning offices part time, if he accepts it and his social security card comes in.my job plods on as usual...last week they had to put their dog down (who frequented the office) so everyone was crying and such. it was pretty sad - not that i really cared about the dog since i didnt really know it - but i remember how traumatic it was when i had to suddenly put my dog down when i was in college. tho that situation was a little fucked, and was a bit more emotionally harsh than most put-to-sleeps. i remember, too, when we put my cat to sleep in 9th or 10th grade. i had been out all night, and was still tripping a little when i came home and my mom told me we had to go to the vet. my mom and bro both cried a little. i didnt feel anything, and hoped no one would wonder why i wasnt crying too.
the poor family i work for...its the dad (S) and his two daughters (J and E). J does my same job (probably with more responsibilities, since she's been around) when i am not there, and E is our boss. S is the owner. anyway, E's boyfriend of ten year's mom just found out she has lung cancer, and now her dog died. that sucks..
ponge's cousin's daughter's dad (see if you can follow that) died a couple days ago. we went over there today to give our condolences. i have no idea what to say to people about something like that, or when to say it. or how to act. i have never lost (alhamdoulilah) anyone close to me, really. well, not through death anyway. only through insanity. im not really sure which is worse, when i was in the thick of it i was convinced that losing a person because they had lost themselves and the world was worse than their body ceasing to function properly. but i dont really have a point of comparison.
tomorrow is ramadan. ramadan in the states will be wierd. almost no one else will be fasting with me, but its not all fucking hot and shit. i spent my last ramadan working on a farm in the fucking desert where it was like 110 to 130 degrees everyday. fasting muslim style means you dont taking in anything, including water, from sunrise to sunset (though we will be going by senegalese sunset, about 6:45pm). you break the fast with a date, bread, coffee, etc. the sort of fasting i usually do is like you dont take anything solid for 24 or more hours. but water and sugarless juices or tea are okay. anywho. i debated doing ramadan or not, after all, im not muslim so its not a requirement of mine. but i think its good for me. for one thing, i wont be drinking for a month. which is healthy to do time to time. second, i will re-gain an appreciation of food and drink that i tend to lose when spoiled by access to basically any type of food i have the energy to seek out at any time i want. the thing i DONT like is that you are also supposed to refrain from being sexual, even with a sustained partner. that sucks. we'll see how this plays out - last ramadan ponge and i didnt see each other since i was out of town. plus we weren't in love then yet.
sometimes i get freaked that im going to stop being in love with him, and that it will stop being as good as it is and i will have to deal with a separation and all that mess. but if that comes then it does, and i dont really think its healthy to sit there and watch for signs of doom - seems more as like i'd create my own doom in the process of fearing it. plus i did cards the other day and was told some really specific things in company that i trust (the ogitchedow-ekwe) and among the present was to have faith in my dreams, for they are coming true. ponge also did cards (i translated) and i noticed they also were very on-topic and he said they were about 90 percent correct...which is interesting. hes never done cards before, i dont think.
well, its late and i should go to sleep. i feel really healthy lately, too. he and i do exercises right before we go to bed - i do my physical therapy exercises and also work out. its a really nice ritual to have. hm, i have so much to say now that ive started but i really ought to can it.
