i just went to an old entry to test out if i like the new look. i think thats an affirmative, although i still think there is something missing...hm. the entry was right before i got married, when my mom had just gotten into dakar and reggie had just died. goddamn that marriage was a nightmare. searching for fabric and gloves and that fucking bitch of a stylist not letting me come back to get my evening make up done and the heat and exhaustion and fucking stress and jesus the total crap "honeymoon" my professor sponsored for us. good fuck.
today i opened at the Grocery, and had a two hour training midshift, and then didnt count out my drawer coz the OMs (operation managers - the minibosses of the front end) were having a meeting in the office. i'm supposed to have my three-month review soon, and it better happen before i go on vacation. i have bus tickets to head up to mpls on sunday, and head back on friday. i plan on getting good and fucking drunk at least one night that i'm there. unfortunately i chose spring break to go up, which means a lot of people go to their parents homes for the week.
oh well, i hope i get to use the time up there to reflect and read and write and chat it up and such. im such a fucking dork. i want to pack really light but i also want to have cute/fun shit to wear...which isnt really the same thing unless the weather is good.
hm. i fuckin hate my lack of a cd player. my d drive doesnt really work anymore, nor my aiwa shelf system (well not the cd part anyway). yarrr...
tonight i am making stuffed artichokes and fried chicken for me mums and ponge (well, she wont eat the chicken) and then i bought some cheesecake (one slice vanilla, one slice chocolate) a few days ago and poured berries & berry juice over them for dessert. never made either stuffed artichokes or fried chicken before. hope it works out.
im drinking a beer (capital brewery maibock - yum!) and its sort of making me want a cigarette. but today is Day Five...Six? since i last smoked any tobacco. i was smoking quit a bit (for a "non-smoker") for awhile there. which meant i was in a constant state of withdrawal since i would smoke like 3 cigs every other night or whatnot. which made me crazy. i mean really. when i quit smoking i just lose it for a few days - problems get all fucked in my head and i feel totally shitty and confused and unhappy etc. not to mention Pissy As Fuck. none of that is good for me, or my relationships with other human beings. especially important ones, whom i tend to have less emotional control around.
so...yeah. smoking is bad for my sanity, unless i am going to start really smoking again. which i think would probably just lead to me quitting again at some point, so i guess i might as well quit again right now. and just try to have patience while my neurosynapses/endocrine system learn once again how to function without a lovely, deadly, nasty smokee treat. which would be kind of nice to have right now.
but instead i will drink another beer (um, yes, consuming more of what made me want to smoke will be good therapy?..) and have a madtown liberty players meeting. because there is one coming to my house at 6:30pm. i wonder if i'll be as regular at meetings when they aren't held where i live?
now that i know the co-op where we're membershiping is excited to have us, im getting excited about it, too.
anyway, back to getting more brew.
yarg.
