so here it is. the big fucking news that everyone who knows me is going to shit their pants about. that which i have avoided writing about forever. i am thinking about marrying ponge. that would make me kelly anne xxxxx. so. here are some of the reasons for yes... i love him, we are very serious; i want kids within the next few years (like when im 26 or something; im 22 now)and having a someone around that i know is good with kids and has sperm would make that process a whole lot more simple; i like and am liked by his (very large and confusing) family; i can imagine getting old with him; i can imagine living in senegal after i have gotten tired of america again and earned enough to be independent (that is, ive paid back my loans); he is a person of honor and respect; he is gorgeous; he wants to marry me (if it were up to him we would be married already) a lot; this will practically gaurantee him his visa; and after two years he can apply to be a permanent resident; ponge is getting a lot of pressure from family and friends to marry me (the fact that were living together and not married is somewhat scandalous here); we make love like nobody else ive been with; our kids would probably be fuckin cute as hell and smart and bi or tri lingual (something i want); its something interesting to do with my life; we have similar values, visions for the future, etc. thats not all the story, and maybe some of those reasons arent that valid but there they are.
reasons not to do it: hello all my life i said i first of all would never get married but if i did it would be with someone that id been with for like 7 years and such; umm im 22 years old (here thats a totally normal age or even a little old according to me thats young); i have philosophical problems with the institution of marriage; we've been together for 6 months; he doesnt know me in my culture and i dont know him in my culture - although we are very strong here i wonder what we would be like there; i had intended to explore queer relationships to the extreme when i return; i dont have the habit of making decisions that will affect the rest of my life in some clear way; i like to be free to float off anywhere..everyone i know will think im either stupid (he is with me for the visa) or crazy (except all my friends here and all his family, who will support us both and be happy for us); our cultures are way the fuck different in certain ways and i cant help but wonder if that may cause serious problems at some point; v.
you know in some ways it would make my life hella easier, like finally chosing a major or getting a job. the pressure is off about saying oh shit what do i want to do, cuz hey there i did it. i know i am someone that likes to be with people; i think thats why i started to like casual relationships - coz if i dont have someone stable, i at least have that human contact time to time. it totally trips me out to think about being like; hey this is ponge, my husband. first everyone will fuck his name up. but less so than his birth name - mbagnick. second, although i can imagine being like, im his femme (french for wife) or jabar (wolof for wife) i cant really say the word wife without feeling wierd. the cultural context of the words in the two languages that i know here gives me almost a sense of pride, man jabaru ponge laa; ponge kii sama jakar la but im ponges wife and ponge is my husband sounds funny and comes with a whole other set of associations.
well shit. aside from all that i am having a culture fatigue day. that is i dont want to interact with people that arent my friends but this culture is very interactive. first of all ive been sick for days - coughing and snotting and my voice is basically gone. but do people say hey youre sick let me get you some tea? no they ask me if im tired. tired? maybe but actually im more sick. sick? they say with surprise. its totally obvious to my american friends that i am sick and not just tired. i have those deep lung gurgly coughs going on, not exactly the air is dusty and my throat is dry sort of coughs.
and i had to eat with ponges uncle assane today. well everyone was there but he was present when he normally is not; i hate eating with him. he flirts with me in a way that would be really gross if this wasnt senegal (a lot of shit that is normal and supposed to be nice here would probably be considered sexual harassment taken out of context) like saying im his wife coz anything that is ponges is also his and telling me im cute and pretty and such. also he told me that this here is not a toubab affaire, here we eat like this: and he took a huge spoonful of ceeb bu jen and told me i should do so instead of little spoonfuls. first of all there are plenty of white people that eat like he does, second what the hell does he know about how toubabs eat since he hasnt eaten with many of them, third im sick of being literally told to conform. wear your clothes like senegalese women. let me tell you about them - they dress like sorority girls going out to bars for the night; high heels obnoxious sparkly clothes, more makeup than a drag queen (seriously), fake hair all done up. essentially nothing that interests me. but if you do it everyone tells you you are pretty and if not they tell you you are not pretty and tell you how you should dress. well theres a stupid wedding today so i have to dress up a little anyway, which i am NOT in the mood for.
...so someone telling me how to eat was also irritating, and assane is the only one in the family that still finds it necessary to say "lekkal!" (eat!) while ime in the middle of eating. i hate that. it means you are a guest and not comfortable eating til you are full, which is not the case with me. plus what the hell can i say to that since he says it when i have food in my mouth. helLOOO I AM EATING.
senegalese like to say things that are really pointless, i dont know if its just to acknowledge your presence or what. you can be chilling and someone will say to you, yaa ngi toog (youre sitting). yup. im sitting. good observation. or, kelly, yaa ngi seet tele yup, im watching TV.
and you do not even want to try to have a religious conversation unless youre god is of the singular masculine sort and you believe in Him ferverantly. mostly i just listen to what people say about what they believe and decline when they try to convert me and avoid talking about what i believe and do not believe(except to ponge and certain other friends here). kelly - you could be baay fall. you could be mouride. leave me alone. i did not say to you, hey tapha, you could be hindu. you could be protestant. its called respect. lets avoid this conversation in which neither will convince the other of anything but you will be offended by my heathen status; in that way we have peace.
well. off to the wedding. super. lots of sitting around observing peoples clothing since i dont really understand the flood of women speaking wolof well enough to have any sort of real conversation. and i dont want to and cant talk that much anyway since my voice is high and quiet and my throat hurts.
