i need to listen to something kind of negative. joy division should do the trick. my successes at being happy seem to be somewhat sporadic and short-lived lately. a bit of a depressing damper curls itsself around my insides. ssss..how to think about this situation?
why is being unhappy such a temptation to give into? is it because i do better artwork if i am miserable and unthankful and self pitying? isnt that sort of a childish way to look at life? im sad, and unhappy. (beck reference)
god the nostalgia is going to fucking kill me. fuckaduck, this cd skips now. when did that start? maybe something more hyped will do me well...so its faith and the muse.
it will be comforting when i have my own room. mom and i got the paint today. i really have no fucking clue what im doing, but i picked out three colors i liked and will figure out some way to get them on the walls in a non-obnoxious fashion. first i have to paint the ceiling.
i feel ill. im hungover, too. but thats not why i feel ill. im ill because i just ate most of a culvers fish sandwich. it was on my list of things to eat when i got back, and for the life of me i cant figure out why. i havent eaten one in about four or five years, since i became vegetarian. and had fond memories of that sandwich so i decided i was allowed to eat one when i got back, since my body would be able to process the meat. but its greasy and flavorless..
what was really good, that i made myself today, was hot house eggs and gimmelean "sausage." that shit is good. i cook it up with seasoned pepper (really dried red pepper is the best but mom dont carry that stuff) and honey. YUM.
yesterday was not a day that i wanted to just have one beer. yesternight i probably would have done anything that was given to me. and since my friend shaun makes a lot of money and likes to share, he bought me (and others) a ton of drinks.
hm.
environment. society. relationships.
my nipple is a little sore. probably because i shoved a metal rod through it. i should look into doing piercing shows, like where they do temporary piercings in a specific design. i like the process of getting pierced, but i dont currently want any other actual piercings on my body.
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i think one thing i can do is get a job that has morning hours, like eight to one or something.
that would break up the monotony of being in this house with nowhere to go, and would limit evening excursions. plus i feel like an asshole not having any of my own income. i could also tell people not to buy me drinks, or at least not more than one.
