maybe i should make a dream catcher. i've had non-stop uber-detailed and storylined dreams ever since i got back, and a lot of them have been or bordered on nightmares. ive had lucid dreams as well. last night i dreamt i was stuck on a spaceship with a lot of other women, and i kept changing roles. we were stuck in this space (which actually looked like a sunny day outside but was space) and we started murdering each other through the most slow, purposeful methods you could think of. i would change roles between the beaten and the killers. as we had no instruments of death, poisonings and blunt objects were used to kill.
at one point i had a girl that was trying to kill me in a bathroom, mostly dead. id already beaten her with a vase and poisoned her but she wouldnt die. to finish the job i took a really long safety pin and was shoving it in her neck and digging aroung repeatedly, trying to get her to bleed to death (squish! squish! it was really graphic) and i leaned her over to poor the blood out but all that came out was water because she was so malnurished. then i shoved her outside the ship thing into space but somehow she was holding on outside and was still trying to come after me. then i woke up.
ive also dreamt, lately, about being in a high school gym class that i had skipped all semester and i needed it to graduate high school but i had already graduated college and i didnt know what that would do to my college degree and being alienated from the actual high school kids that i had to be in this huge arobics class with;
about trying to blow up this school/military-like camp thing i was living in but getting caught and there were three black kids on bikes telling me they knew it was me but i was telling them they didnt know anything and they better get out of here in wolof (yeen xam ngeen dara! demleen!).
in my dreams all black people speak wolof, and white people speak french. sometimes we all speak english, too.
so then this white lady who was supposed to be a counselor but really she was just obnoxious came into my room (we spoke in french) and was trying to get me to talk about myself but i told her to can it coz i was trying to disarm this bomb i had armed. it was like everyone that lived there could arm the bomb so it should have been anonymous but somehow people knew it was me so i was trying to disarm it on my laptop. at the end, there was a vision of this white nurse lady having sex with a black newborn and a black nurse lady having sex with a white newborn, standing in opposite rooms. i remember thinking that they were too young for sex, then i woke up
then i also dreamt about being back in senegal and i was crying because i had thought i wanted to be there but really i didnt, it was too soon.
and then there was the dream about being in my dads house, packing or moving things around or something. i was waiting and waiting for him to come so i could leave, but he never came.
kind of like i was waiting for him to call me and welcome me back to the country, but hes not going to call. that means i have to call him and the last time we talked i wasnt really that happy about it. and im irritated that he didnt call me and see how im doing and shit. hello dads are supposed to contact children that just got back from being out of the country for a year.
in other news: i wanted to go see jana's mom, but then she decided to drink a bunch of alcohol and sleeping pills and got put in the hospital. i guess shes out now and the first thing she did was pass out on the couch with a bottle of vodka.
i still want to go see her, she was sort of like a surragate mother or an aunt when i was younger. jana says its not worth it, if she wants to destroy herself there is nothing we can do about it. i guess i am not looking to save cheryl, but i still want to see for myself how she is.
so. tonight is planet of the drums in milwaukee. saturday is nate's shindig. sunday is djembe lessons and the racial discussion group. a full weekend. good.
