i am in a really fucking bad mood. and i know exactly why, but i dont know what the fuck to do about it. one of my problems is my fucking right shoulder is all fucked up again. it hasnt been this fucked up since the accident (i got hit by a car while biking two years ago, on 9/11, on the way to work). if i do anything aside from keep my neck looking dead ahead it hurts like a bitch, and travels up the right side of my neck. then some tendon or nerve or some shit in my right thigh hurts for some reason, along with my goddamn right hip/ass and right ankle acting up again. i cant lay on either side to sleep, either. motherfuck. i dont really want to deal with this shit right now. i cant pay for physical therapy or drugs; well anyway i guess i shouldnt have to since the insurance of the people who hit me should pay for it since i was following the law and they didnt. of course the biker is always the one that gets hurt when the everfucking driver doesnt pay attention. so their insurance premium goes up a little, big fucking whoop. they were driving a fucking suv, i would guess they can well afford it. what i cant afford is my body to be all fucked up.grr. things that might make me happy:
a) get really really fucked up
b) curl up with a book and some sort of chocolate food item that will make my teeth fall out
c) scream and break a lot of shit
d) take a million sleeping pills that will somehow put me out until exactly 7 am tomorrow morning when i will wake up amazingly perky and happy and will drink some nice coffee and continue to fucking stab my eyes out while i look for A Job
i STILL have a fucking hive problem though they seem to be lessened so i cant really tell if they are just left overs or what..and i dreamt about ponge last night, he was here in the states. i knew it was a dream and i was wondering if he was dreaming at the same time and we were embracing each other during active sleeping but i couldnt figure out what time it was but doubted he would be sleeping at the same time. his appointment date is sept 15th, he finds out the same day. i think i am actually going to have lost my mind by the time he gets here. i am so nervous and worried and full of anticipation and fear of hope. and i cant type anymore and i hate this fuckingshirt coz there is a bunch of static cling gravitating it to my body and i want to go kick something a lot and shave my head and stop having physical issues and godDAMMMMMMMJJUtuetard zh
FUck; i hate this right now.
